Thursday, 8 November 2012

He's not jaundiced, just ginger

(Based on diary extract from 09/02/2011). 
The midwife came round again today and told me Albie is still jaundiced. Well, she couldn't quite work out if he was jaundiced; 'It might just be because he's ginger', was the assessment she gave me.
We've managed to escape a third trip back in hospital so far due to blatantly lying about any ailments we think he may have and using the internet as our personal doctor. Now don't get me wrong, there's no need to call social services just yet, I would do anything to make sure my little boy is alright but when you have to keep going back into hospital every time something happens to him (eg. the equivalent of him breaking a nail), well, it just gets a little bit ridiculous.
I'm pretty confident that my little boy is alright. He is, in fact, thriving. The midwife, however thought differently and short of me shaving off his ginger locks to avoid any orange reflection on his face, we've had to make another trip to hospital for full blood tests.
We waited for what seemed like ages in the waiting room. As time went on I could see Albie starting to squirm and whine and the realisation hit me that I was going to have to get my boobs out in front of a very busy waiting room of people. I could feel myself starting to sweat - I've not tackled the public yet, I'm not sure I'm quite ready for this. Thankfully we were called in before I had to do my 'earth mother' thing in front of what looked like 3 generations of an indian family opposite. I know it's natural but I'm sorry it doesn't feel like it.
We got called in and after waiting in ANOTHER waiting room I managed to find a quiet room and feed Albie for 10 minutes before he screamed the whole hospital down - that was until they told me they needed him to pee in a pot. Sorry?? Pee in a pot? I mean, I'm 30 and I still find it hard to aim and fire, how am I supposed to get a 2 week old baby to do the same??! Now, if it had been like the normal sample pots you get it may have been a little easier but yet again I am presented with non other than the beloved hospital kidney shaped bowl... except this time in miniature!! Did they not get the message after my vomiting episode during the birth?! Is there some Doctor who has patented the kidney shape that has to be in all NHS hospitals and now he's got them in baby size?! We held Albie in mid air flashing his manhood to all and sundry. He screamed and screamed and all we could do was wait. Bloody ridiculous. After about 20 minutes he did a pee, and, as the kidney bowl is specifically designed to do (!), it hit it then sprayed out all over the hospital bed. Thankfully 2ml of pee was enough.
As if that wasn't traumatic enough for him, we had to take him into another room for some blood samples. Not just one blood sample, no...6! 6 tubes of blood had to be taken from my screaming child. Now they hadn't quite taken into account that my baby was pretty strong. Strong enough to know at 2 weeks old that he did not want to have a needle in his leg and give up half his weight in blood. He was going to make it bloody impossible. So he kicked and screamed and by the end of it the nurse looked like she had been involved in some sort of massacre, and she gave up at 3 test-tubes worth.
I know I make these things light-hearted, but I could feel a lump in my throat, seeing my little boy in so much pain and distress and I just wanted to take him home. I had a realisation that we were very lucky; lucky that we could take our baby home. We walked back through the ward of very poorly children and I felt sick for all the parents who had to watch their children suffer and I cannot imagine the heartache. I am so grateful that my little boy is healthy and well. He's not jaundiced, just ginger.

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