Tuesday, 9 July 2013

I'm a failure.

Based on diary extract 19/4/11 (Albie 3 months)

I decided to try and breastfeed again last night - stupidly. True to form, I fed him for the usual 10 minutes before he kicked off and fussed and fussed. By the second time I was in floods of tears. I'm a failure. Neil took over and gave him a bottle and told me to get some sleep.
I rang my mum today and she was very sympathetic which is what I needed to hear. I feel like I need to hear it from her that it's okay to find things hard.
Neil left for football and I tried to feed him again with little success. I felt so fed up. I nearly rang Neil and told him to turn straight back around.
How can something so 'natural' be so hard? I'm perplexed how a phrase such as 'breast is best' came to be. No doubt it was invented by mothers with tiny angel babies who feed perfectly.
We decided to get a curry tonight to feel sane. We even got to watch tv for an hour before Albie kicked off for the night again. Still, it felt like a treat because that's what we used to do at weekends. It made me feel like I'm actually having one.

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