Tuesday 30 September 2014

How to name your baby

baby naming, how to name your baby, birth, pregnancy, giving birth, baby names, cute names, funny blog, parenting, parenting blog, mother diaries

Naming a baby: a task that little girls dream about doing one day – so much so that they start collecting mental notes of good baby names from the first time they play with a doll. So, you've found out you're pregnant and you start working through the 1001 baby name book, complete with highlighter pens and a notebook. You never expected to come across so many hurdles over something as simple as a name. Well, here are some rules you should know about before you announce your choice of baby name to the world:

1. Be original.
After all, you don't want your child to be the fifth Ellie in the class, that will do no good for her self-esteem, right? She will need to feel unique, so you scour the internet for 'unusual baby names' and realise that in order to be original you also need to call your baby something like Jardinella. You try it out on a few people and are greeted with raised eyebrows and very opinionated lectures about why it is not a good name. Best to play it safe...

2. Follow the trends.
So you decide on something a little more 'normal' and risk having an unoriginal baby name. It's the sacrifice you need to make to have more chance of people cooing over your baby rather than giving you blank stares. So, you search in the top ten baby names and decide to call your baby boy the number one boy's name on the list. Unfortunately this is too predictable for many people who reply with "Oh, another Oliver" and you decide you need a happy medium.

3. Note names to avoid
After going from one extreme to the other you decide you'd better name your child by a process of elimination. You can't call your baby after your granddad if your husband's granddad is still alive too – he might not be too pleased at playing second fiddle. You also can't call your baby after any other children you know already, especially naughty ones. In fact, if you have any relatives who work in schools you best check with them that your baby is not going to remind them of the class clowns first. Oh, and god forbid you pinch your best friend's favourite baby name....

4. Thou shalt not steal
As we know, most women have always had ideas about what they will call their children and woe betide you if you happen to have the same name choice for yours – you will have a fight on your hands. Don't just think that this applies to female friends who are trying for a baby – no, this applies to all friendships, regardless of relationship status, age, or whether they may not have children for another ten years. What, you picked Alfie?! But that was my baby name. Word gets around that you stole Kelly's baby name and no one speaks to you for a while. How could you stoop that low?? How could you??

5. Consider your name carefully.
What would the shortened version of the name be? What will they get called at school? Does it go well with the second name? Have you thought that a second name of Esther may not be such a good idea if you're calling your little girl Polly? Have you written out the initials? Have you said it really fast? Read it backwards? Read it upside down?? You never imagined naming your baby was such a scrupulous process.

6. Bargain with your partner
You think you've finally got your baby name approved by the majority of your friends and family but your partner is just not buying it. He or she would like something completely different to you, so you have to place bets or create a sort of reward chart to earn enough stars to name your own child. Either that or you threaten them at gun point, which is probably not advisable if you plan to be a respectable parent. Though the real test for respectability is in what you name your child, of course.

7. Tell everyone your name.
You need to run your final name past everyone to check for any last minute things you hadn't thought of about your baby name. And it's a good job you did because you simply hadn't considered the negative connotations of the initials for Neil Oliver Bromley. The problem is, everyone has a completely different opinion. Some will love your baby name, others will hate it. You literally can't win.

Naming a child is potentially one of the biggest tests of your life; you will either be regarded as having no taste whatsoever or risk subjecting your child to a lifetime of bullying. Or, you could just not give a crap what anyone else thinks and name your child what the hell you want... now, there's a thought. Happy naming!

No comments :

Post a Comment